Dusk
by Sarah Shives
Summary: The Cullens move to Forks a little later than in the original story. Bella goes to live with Charlie in high school per usual, but then moves away to go to college. She comes back after graduating to take care of Charlie after he's been in an accident, and that is when she meets the Cullens. There will be some changes, but also some similarities to the original. BxE
1. Chapter 1

It's been a minute since I wrote any fan fiction. I recently moved to Vancouver, WA and thus felt like I needed to re-read the books again. A little older now, I found myself wondering about how things might have been different if B & E also hadn't met until Bella was a little older.

There will be some changes of course, but also some similarities. I'm adjusting the ages and dates a bit.

I can't make any promises about updating consistently, ha. I'm like, a busy adult now ;)

This was just an idea that popped in my head and I felt like I wanted to put it out there just for fun.

Enjoy! :)

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I chewed on my lip nervously as my eyes darted from the speedometer of the rental car to the dark road ahead of me. I knew I wasn't likely to get pulled over, but growing up as the police chief's daughter, I couldn't help my instinctual reaction to anything that involved breaking the law. Considering that Charlie was the reason I was speeding however, I couldn't bring myself to care too much that I was pushing 90. Luckily there wasn't much traffic on the roads in Forks at 11 p.m. on a weekday.

When the lights of the Forks Community Hospital came into view, my heart started racing as my nerves kicked up. I quickly found a parking spot to pull into and shut off the engine. I sat for a moment, taking a few deep breathes as I tried to calm myself down.

"He's okay. He's going to be okay," I chanted the words to myself like a mantra as I rested my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes, taking in a few more deep breaths.

I couldn't believe the timing of everything. I had just flown into Seattle that morning for a job interview at 4. When I got out of the interview, I turned my phone back on to find I'd had several missed calls. One from Billy Black, one from the hospital, and the rest were from Renée. I didn't need to listen to the full voicemails to know that something had happened to Charlie. I had grabbed a cab as quick as possible to take me to the nearest rental car location, got the cheapest rental available, swung by my hotel to grab the small overnight bag I had brought with me, and then headed for Forks.

I still didn't know the details. Billy had been fairly short and quick, simply saying that Charlie had been hurt and that I should come to Forks. The hospital voicemail as well, had purposely kept things simple as to not worry me, and I could hardly understand anything Renée had said through all of her blubbering.

I knew if he hadn't made it, I would have received another call by now. I held on to that thought as I got out of the car and headed inside. A nurse instantly directed me towards the waiting room and said that someone would come speak to me as soon as possible.

"Bella?" a woman's voice startled me from behind not even a minute after I'd taken a seat.

I jumped, but instantly stood and turned around to see a nurse, in her forties or fifties maybe, coming around the set of chairs to talk to me. She looked familiar. Probably one of the nurses who had attended to me one of the many times I had found myself in the hospital because of my uncoordinated tendencies. I'd only lived with Charlie about a year and half before I'd graduated and moved away to go to Dartmouth, but a year and a half was plenty of time for me to become well acquainted with the hospital.

"Helen," I said, after reading her name tag quickly so as not to seem rude if she really did know me.

I'd only been gone 4 years, but when those 4 years consisted of challenging classes at an ivy league school, as well as an attempt to forget my somewhat somber year and a half in Forks, it wasn't surprising if I forgot a face or two.

"Sweetie," Helen spoke softly, as she gave me a warm smile and sat down next to me. I preferred to stay standing, I felt too anxious to sit now, but I copied her anyways, not wanting to seem awkward.

"What happened?" I practically blurted the moment my legs touched the seat. I knew she was likely planning on telling me anyways, but I'd had nearly 4 hours in the car on the drive over to think about what could have happened, my mind having been quite imaginative. I was ready for the suspense to be over

"Someone passing through town started stirring up some trouble over at The Lodge. Your dad showed up and, well, I don't know the specifics, but they pulled a gun on him. He was shot."

"What?" I was shocked. Nothing like that ever happened in Forks. "Is he, is he okay?"

I was starting to feel lightheaded, my heart pounded in my ears. I'd had a penchant for passing out easy when I was younger, but I hadn't felt this way in years. College had toughened me up a bit. It was either learn to manage the stress, or crumble underneath it and flunk out.

"He just got out of surgery, right before you walked in. The doctor should be out shortly to speak to you." She reached across the chair and squeezed my hand in a reassuring gesture. Though it didn't quite do the job, it helped slow my racing heart a bit, enough so that I didn't feel like I needed to run to the restroom and throw up. "It will be okay, sweetie."

I turned to face forward in the chair, staring at the wall ahead of me as I tried to keep myself from crying.

"Do you want me to stay with you until the doctor comes?"

"No, I'll be fine," I answered softly, attempting to keep my voice sounding normal, even though I was on the verge of freaking out. I felt her squeeze my hand one more time and then she was gone. I was left alone with my thoughts.

My first and dominating thought, of course, was of Charlie. I wasn't a religious person, but I prayed to whatever gods might be out there that he would be okay. Forks hadn't been my favorite place to live, but Charlie had made it endurable.

It wasn't that Forks was such an awful place, but I had always felt out of step in my life, and when I made the decision to live with Charlie, I had felt even more out of place. I made friends, and had some good memories, and of course I enjoyed getting closer to Charlie, but there was always just this uneasiness I'd felt while living in Forks. It was as if something was wrong or missing from my life. I couldn't wait to move away and go to college. In my early years at Dartmouth I had tried to forget about my uncomfortable time in Forks, but over time I found it all a little silly. Having grown more mature, I looked back on my time with Charlie and attributed all the "weirdness" to simple adolescent hormones and melodramatic teenage proclivities.

Now that I was back though, all of those uneasy feelings were starting to come back. The current circumstances didn't help, of course, but it was more than that. It was that same just "off" feeling about this place that was taking me back to the awkward, naive girl I once was.

I was being ridiculous. It was understandable that my emotions would mess with my head at a time like this. Traumatic experiences did strange things to the mind. I was even more certain that my stress addled brain was messing with me when I nearly fell out of my seat at the site of the doctor coming towards me.

He looked so ethereal, like a ghost almost. It freaked me out. As he drew closer, I calmed down a little, realizing that he was just very pale. I couldn't judge a person for that, considering that I myself tended to be on the far end of the fair toned spectrum. He was really pale though. Like, really pale, but also quite stunning.

"Isabella Swan?" his voice was so soothing and inviting as he said my name. It caught me off guard even more than his looks had.

"It's um, Bella. Just Bella," I faltered as I stood, rubbing at my eyes. I really was losing it. I wasn't attracted to him, but I wasn't beyond admitting that he was extremely good looking from an objective standpoint.

"Bella." He smiled and reached out his hand. "I'm Doctor Cullen, or Carlisle if you'd like. We are pretty informal around here. Please, have a seat."

"Yes. I know," I said as I sat back down. "I mean, I know it's pretty casual around here. I was a frequent flyer, if you know what I mean. But, I don't know you. You must be new. Although I have been gone for 4 years, so you might not be that new. I don't know." I was rambling.

I was tired, I was feeling off, and I was about to get news about Charlie's condition, and the man delivering the news looked like some sort of divine, unearthly being.

"Sorry," I apologized, laughing at myself as I shook my head.

"It's okay," he reassured me, his warm smile helping to ease my nerves. "I understand."

I took a deep breath. "How is he?"

"He's stable. The bullet just missed his heart, but the surgery went well. We'll keep him here for a couple of days to keep an eye on things, but I imagine he will recover just fine."

The breath I didn't know I had been holding came whooshing out of me. I leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. A couple of tears escaped, but I was so relieved.

"Charlie's tough," Carlisle started again. "I know we aren't supposed to guarantee anything, but I really do think he'll be just fine."

"Thank you," I responded, still looking up at the ceiling. He probably thought I was crazy.

"Of course."

"When can I see him?" I asked, finally looking back over at him.

"He's in the recovery room still, but you should be able to see him in about 45 minutes."

"Okay. Thank you, again."

He smiled, and nodded as he stood and then turned to walk away. I watched as he went, noting that his movements seemed very smooth and effortless, as if he were almost floating through the air. I had met plenty of graceful people in my time, and it wasn't hard to be more light-footed than myself, though I was better now that I was older, but Carlisle's movements were so effortless. Combined with his looks, I didn't know quite what to make of him. Not that I wanted to make anything of him. I wasn't the type to judge or dwell too much on how other people looked, but there was something about him that was perplexing.

I shook it off, chalking it up to the day I'd had, and settled myself down as I waited to see Charlie.

Just as Carlisle had said, about 40 minutes later, a nurse came and directed me to the room Charlie had been moved to. He wasn't awake yet. The nurse asked if I wanted to go home and get some sleep and return in the morning, but I knew if it were me in that hospital bed, Charlie would stay by my side all night. I wanted to do the same for him.

"Bells." Charlie's rough voice woke me in the morning. I sat up in the chair by his bed, realizing that someone had covered me with a blanket during the night. I shrugged it off and got up to stand closer to the bed.

"Hey," I responded, my voice sounding scratchy from sleep.

"Hey," he repeated back.

"The doctor sai–"

"You didn't hav–"

We both started at the same time, and then both laughed awkwardly at the same time. I always worried about growing up to be like Renée, but the older I got, the more obvious it was that I took after Charlie, at least in the personality department.

"Go ahead," I insisted, laughing again as I shook my head.

"It's good to see you Bells." He smiled. "But you really didn't have to come all this way just to check on your poor old dad."

"Are you kidding? Of course I had to come. I wasn't that far. Remember, I told you I had an interview in Seattle?"

"Right. Right." His brow furrowed as he sighed, looking down at himself in the hospital bed. "I guess I'm a little out of it right now."

"I think that's understandable," I replied smiling, trying to sound lighthearted in attempt to keep him from feeling depressed about his situation.

Though I hated feeling useless myself, and I especially didn't like when people tried to dote on me or cheer me up when I just wanted to wallow and be alone, I didn't want him to fall into despair because of this. He had every right to feel a little down, but I had made the decision while he slept over night that I was going to stay for at least a couple of months to make sure he got back on his feet okay.

"Yeah, I guess so," he grumbled in response. "Still, you didn't need to come. I'll be okay. The doc was in after I woke early this morning. You were still sleeping. He told me I should recover just fine."

"I know. I spoke to him last night when I got in. But still, if you think you could put up with having me around, I'd like to stay for a little while."

I could see the smile threatening to take over his face, but he fought it. I knew he was trying to keep his composure, but I could tell that he really missed me. Of course he wouldn't want me to know how lonely he'd been since I'd left, but I knew him better than he thought. He'd grown very close to me when I came to stay while I finished out high school, and honestly, I had grown close to him as well.

"Uh, yeah. I think I would be alright with that," he agreed nodding, attempting to not sound overly enthusiastic. "But what about getting a job? I don't want you to stay just because of me. You know I'd be fine. You're done with school now, you should be out following your dreams, or whatever."

I smiled at his use of the word "whatever" as he endeavored to sound casual, and less like an overbearing parent. "I have plenty of time to find a job. Most people my age take at least the summer after college off anyways, before starting their career," I lied, sort of.

A lot of graduates did take a couple of months off to travel or just to get a break before committing themselves to the "9 to 5", but I wasn't one of those people. I'd been applying to as many jobs as I could a few months before I graduated. It wasn't that I didn't love the idea of traveling, but the logical side of my brain told me I needed to start working right away.

I'd received a partial scholarship to Dartmouth, but I had still needed to take out a decent amount in student loans to pay the rest. Charlie had wanted to help, but I wouldn't let him. He would still send me a hundred bucks here and there when he could, demanding that I at least let him give me that much to help with gas. I hadn't had the heart to tell him that the truck had given out after the trip from Forks to New Hampshire. Luckily the apartment I got my second year after living in the dorms wasn't too far of a walk from campus. So a car wasn't necessary and meant I could put the "gas" money Charlie would send me towards groceries or rent instead.

"Okay," he sighed, giving in. I could see in his eyes that he still didn't entirely believe me, but Charlie was never one to argue much. We'd butted heads and quarreled on occasion, but for the most part, our easy going personalities meant we both got along pretty well. Also, again, I knew he missed me and didn't want to push the matter.

I hated that I had tried to distance myself so much after leaving, creating a wide berth between myself and Forks. If I had visited over the summers, or called more often, Charlie wouldn't be so excited at the prospect of me living with him again, even if just for a couple of months. Not that I didn't like that he was happy to have me back, but I felt bad that the reason he was so thrilled was because I had practically abandoned him.

And Forks really wasn't that bad. Was it? I tried to think back on my time here, which felt so long ago now. Sure, there really wasn't much to do here, and I still preferred sunshine and warmth over wet and cold, but my time in New Hampshire had taught me to find things to appreciate about wintry weather, and it was summer now anyways.

Well, perhaps appreciate was a strong word, but I definitely learned to accept the cold weather living in the Northeast more than I had when I lived in Forks. Looking back now, my time here really hadn't been so terrible. Things always seemed more dramatic through the eyes of a teenager. Even if I had been mature for my age, I'd still been naïve in a lot of ways. I was older now, not so sure about the wiser, but I'd definitely matured a lot more.

What was 2 months in the grand scheme of things? It's not like it would kill me.

I laughed to myself at the thought that anything in Forks could be remotely dangerous. That's why it was so surprising that Charlie had been shot. Nothing like that ever happened here. This incident was just a fluke. I'd stay for a bit to help him get back on his feet, and it would probably be the most mundane, uneventful couple of months I would ever have. Even more so than my time here in high school. At least back then there was silly teenage drama to keep things interesting. I hadn't been one for the dramatics myself, but it was hard to escape the gossip in a small town, especially in a high school in a small town. Now, without school and friends to distract me, I was quite sure that the next several weeks would be all very humdrum.

It was actually starting to sound kind of nice. I felt like I hadn't had a moment to breath since I'd gone away to college. If I wasn't in class, I was studying, and if I wasn't studying, I was working, and if I wasn't working, I was in class . . . and so on.

A couple of quiet, peaceful months in Forks would be refreshing.

I practically snorted, laughing at myself again at the thought. I never in a million years thought I would consider Fork to be refreshing. I looked over at Charlie to see if he had noticed my absurdity, but he'd fallen back asleep. I pulled the blanket up over him to make him more comfortable and then decided it would be okay to leave him for a little while. I wanted to head over to the house and was a little worried about what kind of state it would be in. I wanted to make sure everything was nice and clean for when I brought him home.

On my way out I gave the nurse at the desk my cell phone number, though I was pretty sure they had it already, and told her I was just leaving for a few hours but to call me if anything happened.

I smiled to myself when I got back to the car. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but I had missed this a little bit – taking care of Charlie. This time was different, but still, there was a sense of nostalgia that washed over me as I thought about heading to the house to get it ready for him. It reminded me of when I would come home from school and get dinner ready before he got home, or clean the house on a Sunday while he was out fishing with Billy Black or Harry Clearwater.

And I definitely wouldn't admit this either, but I was starting to feel like I missed Forks in a way as well. There was just something about being here this time that felt different somehow.

I knew I was going crazy when I had that thought. I shook my head and started the ignition, telling myself not to dwell on those feelings any longer. I could appreciate the nostalgia of being back, and could even let myself enjoy the next several weeks as if I were on a mini vacation, but I would not entertain the idea that Forks could be somewhere I would enjoy living.

"Must be something in the air," I quipped out loud as I pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

Nice, fresh, insanity inducing air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it took a little longer to get this chapter out. It's almost twice as long as the last chapter, so it took a little longer to write/edit.**

**Just a couple of things I wanted to mention:**

**Jake appears in this chapter, and I know that it might seem like this is going to be a BxJ story by the way this chapter plays out, but I promise this story is BxE. I just don't like how some fanfic writers dump on Jake and how easily Bella's relationship with him is dismissed. He was a good friend to her in high school and meant a lot to her, and with my version of the story, Bella also hadn't met the Cullens yet, so it's likely that she formed an even tighter bond with Jake since they weren't around yet. **

**Still, I'm all about Bella and Edward, ha ha. So don't worry. **

**I will say though, Taylor Lautner just doesn't do it for me, lol, and even though this isn't BxJ, I still like to imagine a sexy looking Jake. So I am picturing him to look more like Blair Redford, if you wanna look him up... I promise you won't be disappointed ;) **

**Another side note, there is a section in this chapter that briefly glazes over Bella's past sexual experiences, and there is mention of her having had a bad experience with a guy in college - So I just wanted to preface that by saying NO, she was not raped. It's more just her reflecting on a bad first time experience, but it is not a reference to her being raped. Just to clarify. **

**Anyways, enough rambling from me - on to the good stuff!**

**ENJOY! :)**

**Chapter song rec: "Just Friends" - Lucy & La Mer **

**(I chuckled a bit while writing this chapter and thinking about this song) **

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"Stop fussing over me" Charlie protested as I buzzed around him, making sure he had everything he needed before I left.

After 8 days in the hospital, Charlie was as grumpy as a bear. I'd spent those 8 days either at the hospital or cleaning the house, making sure everything was spotless. Though Charlie wasn't a messy person to begin with, I wasn't willing to take any chances that the wound would get infected. I had also called up a friend from Dartmouth to have them pack up some of my belongings and clothes and send them to me. My apartment lease would be up the end of July, and it was currently June 19th, so I knew I would likely have to fly back out there myself to pack up the rest of my things and bring them back to Forks with me until I figured out my next move. I was crossing my fingers that the Assistant Editor position I'd interviewed for in Seattle would pan out.

I also needed to return the rental car, which was why I was currently in a state about leaving Charlie. It was his first day home, and I really didn't want to leave him, but if I didn't get the car to the drop off location in Port Angeles by this evening, I would have to pay a pretty hefty fee.

"Are you sure you'll be okay? I don't mind extending the rental car date if you want me to stay," I lied. Though, if he really did end up wanting me to stay, I wouldn't give a second thought to extending the date on the car and just deal with the charges.

"I'll be fine," he insisted, gesturing his hands to everything I'd placed around him.

He was propped up in the recliner in the living room, and next to him I had placed a folding table with some water, snacks, his pain meds, and the TV remote. I'd also thrown a blanket over the side of the chair and tucked a pillow next to him in case he got cold or wanted to take a nap.

"Plus, Jake will be here soon with Billy," he added.

"I know, I know." I held up my hands in defeat.

Billy Black was coming to "babysit" while Jake followed me to Port Angeles to give me a ride back after I dropped off the car. I had been fine with paying for a cab, or taking a bus back to Forks, but Charlie had insisted I call Jake to see if he was available. Jake and I had become close friends when I lived with Charlie in high school, but I'd neglected him just as much as I had Charlie, if not more, when I'd gone off to Dartmouth. Though, with Jake it was a little more complicated.

During my Senior year he had grown rather fond of me, wanting to be more than just friends. I'll admit that I had flirted with him on occasion, and there had even been a few times where I'd almost given in to his allure – he was constantly trying to win me over – but in the end, I was afraid that if I got too attached, I wouldn't want to leave. It might have been different had it been another boy that could maybe have gone off with me to college, but I knew Jake was set on staying in Forks to help look after Billy, and I just hadn't wanted to get stuck here and end up pregnant like Renée had with me.

Now, after some time, I was both nervous and excited to see Jake. Nervous, because I was worried he would hate me for completely ditching him. We had talked on the phone and exchanged emails only a handful of times my first year away before I just stopped responding to him altogether. It was a shitty move on my part, and I felt like a complete jerk now, but at the time, it had made sense for me to end the correspondence in an effort to give Jake a chance to move on. I really wouldn't blame him if he hated me. I had actually been surprised when he'd agreed to give me a ride back from Port Angeles when I called the other day. That's where the excitement began. I thought maybe after all this time that perhaps he had forgiven me, and we could reconnect again like old friends.

"I think that's them now," Charlie observed, interrupting my thoughts.

"What?"

"Billy and Jake." He nodded his head towards the door at the sound of a car door closing.

"Oh, right." I went to the door and opened it to see if Jake needed any help with Billy, but he already had him in his chair and was wheeling him up the drive.

"Hey," I greeted them, my voice a few octaves higher than usual. The nerves were definitely winning out.

"Hi, Bella," Billy greeted me warmly in return as Jake lifted him up the steps. He'd always enjoyed having me around the reservation, and I knew he and Charlie had secretly hoped Jake and I would become an "item".

"Do you need help?" I offered out of politeness to Jake, though he clearly didn't need it. He'd filled out quite a lot since I last saw him – in his arms especially – which practically rippled as he lifted Billy in his chair. I knew he was around 20 now, but he looked more like he was 25, possibly older. His soft, youthful face had become all hard angles with a 5 o'clock shadow. I had to check myself so as not to stare like an idiot.

When he finished getting Billy up to the porch, Jake finally raised his eyes to greet me. "Hey," he said very casually, holding back a smile. His voice had deepened since we last spoke as well. The sound made my stomach flutter.

"Hey," I repeated back with a nervous laugh, even though I'd already greeted them.

"Hey," he said again, this time letting his smile take over.

We both broke and started laughing, as he stepped around Billy's chair and pulled me in for a hug. It was quick, his strong arms squeezing for just a second or two before he stepped back, but it was enough for me to feel an immediate loss when he pulled away. Per usual, it had been a dreary week, the sun hardly showing its face at all, and the warmth of Jake's body had sent a thrill through me. Though, I wasn't sure if it was simply because I was chilled by the weather, or if there was something else that his touch had roused in me.

I could feel my face flush at the thought. "Come in!" I exclaimed suddenly, effectively cutting myself off from that line of thinking before I embarrassed myself.

I could see both Jake and Billy's face startle at my sudden outburst, but it was quickly dismissed as they stepped inside and heard Charlie calling out to them from the living room.

"Come on in," Charlie repeated my eager invitation.

I knew he had been dying for some company other than my overly attentive presence. Not that he didn't still love the fact that I was here, but I knew he hated the way I was fussing over him too much. In that way, I suppose, I reminded him of Renée.

Billy had been at the hospital the night of the accident with Jake apparently, but they left before I got there. It was hard for Billy to get around on his own in the wheel chair, relying mostly on Jake for transporting him when he needed or wanted to go anywhere, and Jake had apparently been swamped with work during most of Charlie's stay at the hospital. Billy had called a few times to check in and apologize, but assured us that he would be over to visit as soon as possible. A few others had visited as well. Fellow officers from the station, of course, had dropped by the hospital, Harry Clearwater came by too, as well as a few other locals that I remembered. I knew he'd been most looking forward to seeing Billy though. They'd been good friends for a long time.

"There he is," Billy declared as he wheeled himself into the living room. "Now we're both crippled old men."

We all laughed at his joke, though the thought of Charlie actually being crippled made my chest feel suddenly tight. I knew he was going to recover just fine, but since I'd been back, I had been feeling much fonder of Charlie than I ever had before. I'd always loved him, of course, but something just felt different now. I wasn't sure if the heightened concern for his wellbeing was because I felt bad for having left him, or if I was growing more sentimental with age.

"Don't make me pop a stitch," Charlie joked in return as he attempted to keep from laughing too hard.

"Remember you can hug a pillow to your chest if you're laughing or coughing," I chimed in. "It will help with that."

"I'm fine, Bells," Charlie demanded as he settled, making a shooing gesture with his hands. "You kids go have fun." I could tell he was eager for me to leave so he and Billy could relax. They would probably find some sort of game to watch, or an action movie.

"We're not really kids anymore," Jake commented as he flexed his muscles playfully.

I laughed again, though it was more like a nervous stutter as I again felt flushed glancing over Jake's body.

I wasn't so naïve and innocent anymore that I didn't understand the feelings Jake was suddenly stirring in me, but my bewilderment and nerves were more because I had never really been the type to fawn over a guy before. Not that I was a total stick in the mud either. I'd felt attracted towards other men, and had even dated a bit in college. Though, the term "dating" wasn't really quite right. I'd been too distracted by school and working to have much time for dating. It was more like hanging out with guys I was vaguely interested in at social gatherings where we were both present. There would be some flirting and some kissing, and the occasional fooling around, but nothing that had ever progressed much past that. There was one time that things went farther with one guy I had been more interested in, but I didn't like to dwell as it wasn't my fondest memory.

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie shooed us away again, not wanting to think about Jake, or especially me, being adults now. It made him feel old, or at least that's what he had said to me a couple of days ago when my age got brought up in conversation.

I was pretty sure it wasn't just the "old" part that bothered him, but was also knowing that I likely wasn't his innocent little girl anymore as well. Sex talks, or anything of the kind, had always made Charlie cringe. He'd poorly attempted to give me "the talk" once when I was in high school, but I'd quickly cut him off, assuring him that I was fully aware of safe sex protocols, and that Renée had beaten him to the punch anyway. He'd happily relinquished his fatherly duty to properly inform me and then swiftly changed the subject.

"There's leftover soup in the fridge if you two get hungry before we get back," I called as Jake and I made our way to the door. I knew my last ditch effort to micro-manage had fallen on deaf ears though as I heard Billy and Charlie already chatting away.

"So," Jake started as we walked out the door. "I guess I'll just follow you, or you can follow me?"

"Whichever is fine by me," I answered. "I mean, don't feel like you have to follow behind or keep me in your sight. I remember the way. We can just plan to meet at the rental location if that's easiest."

I didn't want him to feel like he had to fall back if my pace was slower than his. Though, as I looked from the Honda Fit that I'd rented to Jake's old VW Rabbit that he'd fixed up when we were in high school, I found it amusing that for once I might actually have a faster mode of transportation than someone else. The old Ford truck Charlie had bought off Billy for me in high school had been a sturdy hunk of metal, but it hadn't really been known for it's acceleration abilities. The Rabbit did look like it had been spruced up even more since I last saw it though, so he could possibly still have an edge on me.

"Okay." He shrugged. "This actually worked out kind of perfect. I've been meaning to head up that way for some car parts I have on hold. So I'll probably drive ahead a little so I can swing by and pick those up before coming to get you. If that's alright?"

"Of course," I responded as I fished in my purse for the rental keys. When I glanced back up at him he was looking at me with that same sort of goofy grin on his face that I remembered from high school. "Uh, well," I faltered, "thanks again, you know, for doing this. I really appreciate it."

"Sure," he said casually. "See you there?"

"Yeah." I smiled back as I turned towards the car. "See you there."

The drive to Port Angeles took about an hour, per usual, but it felt much longer this time. I felt anxious, and on edge. I tried distracting myself with the radio, but when that didn't work, I connected my phone to the car's Bluetooth and listened to the latest episode of my favorite podcast, _Literary Friction_. I was able to focus on what the hosts were discussing for about the first 20 minutes before my mind started drifting. When I refocused, I looked down at my phone to find that I still had about 20 minutes left until I reached the rental car center. Frustrated, and realizing I had missed some of the podcast, I blew out a puff of air and pushed the power button to turn the stereo system off altogether.

Normally, I was very in tune with my emotions and how I was feeling, but currently, I just felt off. Being more on the observant side rather than the excessively verbose side, when in a social setting, I'd become quite good at both reading other people as well as learning to understand my own mind. When I was younger, I'd always felt a bit out of place, or at least felt as though I was a few steps ahead of everyone else my own age. Back then I had let it get to me, making me feel self-conscious about myself, but now, after my time in college, I'd come to realize that I was simply the introspective type. Which, of course, did tend to make me a little more aware than the average person at times, but I knew that it didn't mean I wasn't normal either. I was just an intellectual, and at an ivy league school, "intellectuals" are a dime a dozen. So, I'd definitely felt a little more like I fit in when I was there, which had also taught me to appreciate and accept who I was.

It all sounded very bohemian and maudlin of me, I was aware. Like I should be wearing a beret and reading contemplative poetry with a sultry, yet slightly dispassionate tone so as not to come across too eager, as my fellow _artistes _sat listening at a local coffee shop. No matter how silly it all sounded however, it was true. The introspective part at least, not the beatnik poet part. Which was why the fact that I couldn't figure out what was bothering me now was, well, bothering me.

It could be seeing Jake again, or it could be Charlie getting shot. It could also just be old feelings from high school resurfacing now that I was back, and making me feel like a teenager again. Whatever it was, it was making me anxious. Luckily, stress and anxiety make you overthink things, and overthinking tends to take up time. Which meant that when I looked back down at google maps on my phone to see how much farther I had to go, I realized I was only about 2 exits and a few side streets away from the rental center.

After I arrived and dealt with the car, I only had to wait about 5 minutes before Jake text and said that he was almost there. When he pulled up, I felt a rush of relief wash over me as I felt most of my anxiety slip away. Which was odd, as I didn't see why seeing Jake would be the remedy, but I didn't stand waiting out in the rain that had started to fall to reflect on it. He was here, I was happy. That was that.

"Hey," I greeted as I jumped into the passenger side. He didn't have the heat on, but the warmth that hit me in the face was staggering compared to the damp, chilly air outside the car. It felt nice.

"Hey," he repeated back.

As I turned to put on my seat belt, I looked behind me into the empty back seat. "I thought you were picking some stuff up?"

"Trunk," was his one-word reply as he pulled out of the lot.

"Right," I chuckled as I turned back around, "because the trunk is where one would put greasy car parts."

He laughed at my quip. "Well, they are technically shiny new car parts, but yes, I tend to still put heavy cumbersome things in the trunk."

"Wow, look at you with the fancy words," I teased. "_Cumbersome_."

"One," He said, turning to me with a smirk on his face as he held up a finger. "I'm not 16 anymore, I do know a word or two now." He winked and then put up a second finger. "Two, I'm not 16 anymore," he paused to titter at his reiteration, "I run a shop down on the Rez and no longer need to go junkyard diving."

He sounded so grown up saying this, and with the wink too, he had my brain a little confused. He was trying to be funny and lighthearted, but he was still putting me in my place a bit for teasing him about greasy parts and using "big" words, and for some reason it just made him seem older than me, more mature . . . and it was kind of a turn on. I stared at him for a moment before my senses came back to me. Luckily he had refocused his attention to the road ahead of him.

"Right," I finally agreed, nodding at what he'd said as I turned back to face forward as well. "You're all grown up now."

He chuckled, though I wasn't sure if it was because he'd noticed my "moment" and the flush on my face, or if he just thought I was still being playful. I hoped it was the latter, and decided to continue with that.

"You're still not legal," I taunted him.

"Eh." He shrugged. "That doesn't really matter. Billy has been letting me have beer since I turned 18."

"Don't tell Charlie that." He'd probably be outraged that Billy was giving alcohol to a minor.

"Oh, he's fine with it," Jake insisted. "I mean, he wasn't at first." He laughed, clearly thinking back on a memory. "I went fishing with him and my dad right after I'd turned 19 and when Billy passed me a beer in the boat after handing one to Charlie, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I could see on his face that he wanted to object, but dad just looked at him and shrugged, and that was that. Since then, Charlie hasn't said a thing."

"Huh." I was surprised. That definitely would not have been the case had Charlie seen me handed my first beer before I was 21. It had been my first big college party, and I'd not even been there more than 2 minutes before somebody was handing me a solo cup of what smelled like stale beer. I'd accepted, not wanting to seem like a snob, but had dumped it the first chance I got. I'd eventually tried some better quality beer later that year at another party, but I'd never really grown to like the taste. Even after turning 21 and expanding my alcoholic horizons, it just wasn't my thing. I preferred wine, or a good whiskey.

"Less than a year until I turn 21 anyways," Jake announced, pulling me back from my memory.

"Are you going to have a big party?"

"As a joke maybe, or just in general to celebrate that it's my birthday, but it seems kind of silly when I've already been allowed to drink."

"Yeah, I guess that's true." I could see his point. "I drank too," I admitted in solidarity. "Before turning 21, I mean."

He turned for a moment to look over at me in mock disbelief. "Isabella Swan, daughter of the police chief, drinking underage?"

"I know, I know." I threw up my hands. "Who'd have thought?"

We both laughed.

I was enjoying the lighthearted banter. It felt good to laugh after being so worried about Charlie the past few days. I'd needed this. Jake had always been that boy for me when I was in high school – the one that could cheer me up no matter what – and it seemed he was still fulfilling that role. Only now, he was a man. Though 20 was still young, and it wasn't as if I was much older at 22 – almost 23, he just seemed so much more mature than I remembered. Perhaps it was because physically he looked at least 5 years his senior, or the fact that I hadn't seen him since he was 16. Either way, be it a physical maturation or a mental one, or a combination of the two, I was taking notice, and unintentionally developing an attraction towards him. It was a bit jarring and felt like it had come out of nowhere. It wasn't at all what I wanted, but being around him brought back a lot of good memories, and at the moment, I just couldn't find a good enough reason to resist.

"I wasn't really that puritanical, was I?" I asked, curious now how he had really seen me back then.

He glanced over with a roguish grin, and just gazed at me for a moment. I thought he was going to say something witty in response, but then his brow furrowed as if he were thinking hard about how best to respond. He turned quietly back to face the road.

"What?" I asked again, nervous now by his prolonged contemplation. "Jake?"

"Sorry." He laughed nervously as he drew his hand through his hair. It wasn't as long as he used to wear it, the dark tresses falling just below his ears now, but it was still long enough to have that sexy, devil-may-care look. "I just–" he started, but then paused again.

I was about to say something funny just to try to bring us back around to the carefree conversation we'd been having, but then he finally continued.

"I was going to make a joke about you being all prim and proper, or something like that," he paused again to look over at me and smile, but quickly turned back, "but then I looked over at you, and the way you looked sitting there in my passenger seat, well–"

His constant lulls between explanations were driving me nuts. "Well, what? Spit it out, Jake. It's just me."

He laughed at my impatience. "Well . . . that's just it, it's _you," _he said, emphasizing the word "you".

"You, sitting there," he continued, nodding over at me, "it reminded me of when you used to ride around with me in high school. You know how I felt about you back then. I thought I'd gotten over it, but I guess seeing you sitting in my passenger seat again just took me back, and it kind of caught me by surprise."

He shrugged then, as if trying to play off the fact that he hadn't just basically admitted that he still had feelings for me.

"Oh," was all I could manage to say as I got my bearings. Suddenly, the car didn't feel comfortably warm anymore – It felt hot, too hot. I could feel myself getting flushed. "Do you mind if I roll down the window?" I asked apprehensively. The nerves were back.

"Yeah of course," he replied quickly, making it almost sound as if it were all one word.

We were still on the highway, and it was drizzling, so I couldn't roll the window down all the way without being whipped in the face, but I cracked it just enough to feel the breeze blow against my overly heated skin. We sat in silence like that for a few minutes, with the rain pelting the windows and the whirr of other cars rushing by the only sound since Jake had never turned the radio on.

After some time, I chanced a glance over at him, and then he looked at me as well.

"I'm sorry I–"

"Jake–"

We both started at the same time.

"Go ahead," I said laughing.

"I'm an idiot," he asserted, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

I turned in my seat to face him. "No, Jake, you're fine." I laughed again to try to ease the tension, and show him that I wasn't freaked out or anything. He smiled at me before looking back at the road, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't quite believe me. He probably thought I was just trying to be nice.

"I'm serious," I went on. "You kind of caught me by surprise too–" I confessed as I looked down, fidgeting with my hands nervously, "–when you hugged me back at the house."

"Really?" He sounded truly shocked.

"Really," I assured him.

"Hmm," he hummed, looking as if he was processing what I'd just said.

We were both clearly a little taken aback, and fell silent again for a while. It wasn't quite as awkward this time though, at least not for me. I was still slightly anxious, and curious about what he was thinking, but at the same time, I also felt a bit relieved for having told him how I was feeling. There was more to it of course, that I hadn't really said, but he didn't need to hear all of that. I felt better just knowing that we were both sort of on the same page. Or at least, that we had both been surprised by the sudden rush of emotions. I was sure in my case though that I didn't intend for them to lead to anything serious. I couldn't say the same for him.

Eventually, I started to recognize the exit names on the highway, indicating that we were just about back to Forks. I had really enjoyed connecting with Jake again and was hopeful that the last bit of our conversation wouldn't get in the way of us rekindling our friendship. I was also enjoying the other feelings I was having as well, but didn't want to start something with Jake that I couldn't finish. I would only be here for a short time, and then I would leave again. I didn't want to give him the wrong impression.

Before I knew it, we were pulling up in front of Charlie's house. Jake cut off the engine and then turned to me, his face an impenetrable wall. He had always been such an easy person to read in high school, so not being able to at least discern some of what he was thinking or feeling was new for me.

"Bella," he started, with a sigh. "I'm almost positive you aren't looking for anything here, and I know that you are only here for Charlie and then will likely leave again–"

"Jake," I tried to stop him.

"No," he cut me off, "let me finish." He gave me a knowing smile, aware that I was struggling with my willful stubborn side to not interject.

"However," he continued, "I really missed you, and have really enjoyed seeing you again. And, as much as I would also enjoy _being_ with you," he said, emphasizing the word "being" as his cheeks slightly flushed, "I don't want to scare you away. So I'd be happy to put all that stuff aside and just be friends."

I took a moment to think about what he'd said. I hadn't quite expected him to give up so easy, and I wasn't sure I wanted him to, but I didn't want to confuse things either. I had truly enjoyed getting to see him again, and would much rather be friends and continue having him in my life than to get tangled up in something more complicated only to leave us both feeling hurt when I left again.

"I'd like that too," I finally answered, agreeing with his decision to be friends.

"Great," he responded cheerfully.

We sat turned towards each other as we both smiled, taking in the moment. As I looked over his face, noticing the ways that it had changed, but also how it was still the same, I found myself realizing just how much he'd meant to me back then. More than I had ever wanted to admit. It was so awful of me to have cut things off with him the way I had. I suddenly felt like I had let something great slip away, and I was determined now to make amends and reignite our friendship.

Though, if we sat staring at each other for much longer, I was pretty sure our decision to just stay friends would fly out the window, along with my inhibitions, with the way he was looking at me and slowly leaning forward.

"Jake," I said with jovial admonishment, attempting to break the moment.

"Friends, right." He shook his head and laughed as he sat back. "Just friends."

"Right." I laughed along with him. "We should get inside. I'm sure the two of them have been watching us through the window, making all sorts of assumptions."

"Probably," he agreed, chuckling as he got out.

"Though," I started as I also followed him out of the car, "I hope not, because that means Charlie is up and moving around."

"Isn't that good for him?" Jake asked as we walked up the drive. "To get some exercise, and move about?"

"Yes, but knowing Charlie, he's going to try to push his limits too quickly. I'm probably just being overprotective, but this whole thing has really thrown me for a loop."

"He'll be okay, Bella," Jake assured me. "I understand though. Your dad was always the tough, suffer in silence type. So I'm sure it's a bit unsettling for you to see him so fragile and vulnerable right now."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I know he'll be alright though."

When we got inside, Billy and Charlie were right where we'd left them, only Charlie was asleep while Billy was watching the news. He gestured to Charlie sleeping and then held up his finger over his mouth as to indicate for us to stay quiet.

"He just zonked out about 20 minutes ago, so I figured it was best to let him rest than wake him." Billy informed us softly after wheeling himself over to us.

"Thank you," I said as I nodded.

"Well," Jake started as he got behind Billy, preparing to wheel him out. "We should get out of your hair before we disturb him."

"You two are welcome to stay for dinner if you'd like. I'm making a chicken and rice casserole. It's nothing special, just something easy for Charlie, but there will be plenty to spare."

"That's kind of you, Bella," Billy thanked me.

"But we've got dinner plans with the Clearwater's and the Uley's," Jake added on. "Sorry." I could see on his face that he felt bad.

"No, no," I said, shaking my head. "Don't worry about it. Another time." I smiled, as I stepped aside and opened the door for them.

"Sorry," Jake apologized again as he pushed Billy past me.

"Seriously, no worries. This wasn't planned."

Jake stopped on the porch, turning himself and Billy back around to face me. "Okay," he practically grumbled, clearly annoyed by their prior engagement, likely preferring to stay with me.

I laughed at his show of petulance, his younger age peeking through. "I'll just have to make you two dinner some other night soon to thank you for coming over to help today."

"Of course," Billy said, "but you know I'm always happy to spend time with Charlie. Though, I also won't turn down a free meal either," he added, smiling.

"Anytime you want," I offered, returning his smile.

I looked back up at Jake to find him looking at me again like he had been in the car, and even though we'd both admitted our feelings, it still took me a little by surprise. I just hadn't been with anyone in a while, so it felt odd to be the object of someone's attraction again, and even more strange that it was Jake. I had never expected to come back to Forks to find him still interested in me. I'd been hopeful that we could be friends again, but hadn't thought twice about him possibly still harboring feelings for me. I knew I'd have to get used to it though, at least for the next couple of months of my stay, because even though we'd agreed on just being friends, I was pretty sure he was going to have a hard time sticking to that consensus.

"I'll see you soon?" I asked him, hoping to interrupt whatever trail of thinking his mind was possibly wandering down. "Thank you again for driving me today. I really appreciate it."

"Yup," he responded, blinking himself back to attention. "I mean, you're welcome, and yeah, see you soon." He made as if to turn to leave, also turning Billy around, but then quickly turned back. "You should come down to La Push next weekend."

"Yeah? I'd love to," I replied. I was curious to see his shop, and other familiar faces on the reservation. I wondered if everyone I knew was still there or if others had moved away like I had.

"I'd invite you over this weekend, but I'm going to be swamped at the shop. Now that it's summer, everyone is wanting their cars fixed up before going on road trips for vacation."

"That's okay," I reassured him. "I actually need to start looking for some temporary work while I'm here. So I'll likely just spend most of the next few days with Charlie or hunting for work around town."

"Well, good luck then. See you next weekend?"

"Yeah, next weekend." I watched as he once again lifted Billy down the steps as if he weighed nothing, and shook my head at the magnitude of his strength. "Thank you again, Billy, for staying with Charlie. See you soon."

"Bye, Bella," Billy called out just as Jake set him down on the ground. He was facing the other direction, but lifted his hand to wave backwards.

I stood and watched as Jake wheeled him down the drive and then loaded him and the wheelchair into the car. The scene almost made me tear up, thinking about how devoted Jake was to his dad and how that could have been me and Charlie. Had the bullet hit him somewhere else, like his spine, he could have easily been severely injured to the point of needing a wheelchair. Or worse, had the bullet actually hit his heart, he might not have survived at all. The thought made my heart skip a beat.

The sound of Jake's horn startled me and pulled me from my somber thoughts. I looked up just in time to catch him and Billy waving as they pulled away. I waved back as I tried to calm my racing heart, and then turned to go inside.

I'd never been the overly sentimental type, but I was starting to wonder if I was more like Renée than I'd initially thought. Or perhaps it was just this place. It seemed a silly notion, but Renée had made some rash, overly emotional decisions herself here in Forks. Though, she often made erratic decisions no matter where she lived. So, perhaps not. Still, I couldn't help but feel like I was somehow walking a similar path as her just by being back here. Especially with the way Charlie and Jake were both messing with my emotions. The idea of falling in love in Forks and staying seemed wholly ridiculous to me. Not just because I knew myself enough to know I would never let myself get stuck here, but also the idea of finding love in Forks also seemed amusing to me. Jake was stirring up feelings, yes, but I still could never actually see myself being in love with him. Even if something did end up happening between us while I was here, I hoped he would be smart enough not to get attached, and to understand when I eventually left again.

I kind of felt like I was playing with fire with that one though, and if I was being honest with myself, I knew I had already told him more than I probably should about what I'd felt. It was likely that he was already too hopeful. He had grown up to become a very attractive young man, and his charm was hard to resist, but I knew that if I didn't back off a little and stick with the "just friends" decision, I would not just end up hurting him again when I left, but I'd end up hurting myself as well.


End file.
